Why Are People Mean?.

At some point in life, we’ve all encountered a Mr. or Mrs. Mean. And often, because of such a person, we’ve wondered why people are (so) mean. When I asked our lawyer this question, the answer was: because we let them.

Today, it all seems a bit more complex to me.

If folk proverbs are to be believed-those crystallized pieces of wisdom, passed down through generations, that succinctly and often humorously reflect common truths, experiences, and attitudes of a culture or community-they say: misfortune never comes alone.

Folk proverbs are more than just words; they are a reflection of life lessons, cultural values, and a collective understanding of the world. At their core, proverbs are tools for teaching and preserving traditions, sometimes, perhaps (un)justifiably, offering quick references for advice, warnings, or simply for expressing life situations people can relate to.

I don't know if it's based on folk proverbs, but I would similarly conclude that just as misfortune never comes alone, neither does evil (a mean person, and I deliberately don't write “man” or “human”).

Why doesn't evil come alone?

Because Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn says: “Evil people always support each other; that is their chief strength.”

For those who don't recall, Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn was a prominent Soviet dissident who contributed to global awareness of political repression in the Soviet Union. His name became synonymous with courageous opposition to Stalin and Soviet totalitarianism. He was awarded the Nobel Prize in Literature. His book, “The Gulag Archipelago,” explores the forced labor camps for dissidents prosecuted under the Soviet regime for years after World War II. Most dissidents were innocent and punished merely for having different (political) opinions. The book sold millions of copies.

Solzhenitsyn certainly didn't empirically prove this claim, but he definitely did so anecdotally, which gives me the right to believe that statement a little bit after all. :)

If we try to understand them a little, (simply) mean people are actually sweet in their foolishness. Unlike psychopaths, they aren't marked by excessive intelligence, but in their wake, a gentle whisper of narcissism lingers, as light as a spring perfume.

They aren't manipulative, or if they are, it's at a childish level, and that's why they will often change jobs and won't stay anywhere for too long. However, their self-PR will be unmatched even for that short time. In higher positions, we can easily spot them among us; due to our preoccupation with ourselves (which isn't a wonderful trait either), we might find it harder to recognize them.

Be that as it may, we can consider a mean person to be an individual of low integrity. And that's the worst part of the story. What does it mean for a person to have low integrity?

(Low) Integrity

A person's integrity is defined as the strength of their character, honesty, and ethical conduct in actions and decisions. It is a quality reflected in the consistency between one's beliefs, words, and deeds. A person with integrity acts fairly, transparently, and with respect for moral and ethical principles, even when it is difficult or when such behavior might have negative personal consequences.

A person's integrity includes several key aspects:

• Honesty: Speaking the truth and being transparent in one's intentions and actions.
• Principle: Acting in accordance with a clear set of ethical or moral principles (even when we think no one sees us, hears us, or that it won't be found out…).
• Responsibility: Taking responsibility for one's own actions without hiding behind others or seeking “justification” through others' wishes, congratulations, or greetings.
• Respect: Treating others with respect and understanding, valuing their opinions, feelings, and rights.
• Consistency: Maintaining the same standards in all situations, regardless of external pressures, earthly or extraterrestrial temptations.

Of course, for people with low integrity, none of this applies. The trick is that they form alliances with other people solely and exclusively based on malice and/or self-interest, so as the benefit disappears, the alliance also breaks. Until a new alliance and joint forces emerge.

Myths and Truths about Integrity in a World of Growing Cynicism and Distrust

Today's world is what it is-ours. We haven't managed to conceive or create anything better. However, it's hard to resist the feeling that the 'amount' of both cynicism and distrust is slowly but surely growing. But precisely because of this, the concept of (personal) integrity is becoming increasingly important.

Myth: Integrity is an unattainable perfection.

Truth: Integrity does not require absolute perfection. It's about making small, consistent decisions aligned with our values.

Myth: Integrity is only about moral values.

Truth: Integrity encompasses more than that. More simply and vividly, integrity should enable us to go to bed with it every night and to look ourselves in the mirror every morning.

Myth: Integrity is exclusively an individual trait.

Truth: Research on integrity covers various domains and is not just about a part of “personal character.” It also affects organizations, the people around us, and trust in society.

On the other hand, some individuals are unable to meet even these minimal technical requirements, leading to:

• Dishonesty, inconsistency, avoidance of responsibility, disrespect that includes disregard for the feelings of others, and perhaps most lamentably: Moral cowardice: They lack the courage to do what is right.
• Moral cowardice: They lack the courage to do what is right.

The Complexity of Human Meanness

Human malice and meanness are concepts that have fascinated people for centuries. Referring to Manfred F. R. Kets de Vries’ article, “The Psychology of Evil: Reality and Imagination,” we can maintain that evil and wicked people appear in society because we allow them to, or we haven't taught them to behave differently, better.

In his work “The Psychology of Evil: Reality and Imagination,” Manfred F. R. Kets de Vries examines the profound aspects of evil, exploring how ordinary people can become perpetrators of unspeakable crimes. The work highlights that evil is often not merely the product of an individual, but can result from complex social and psychological dynamics.

In today's society, the lack of critical thinking or judgment is particularly dangerous. Kets de Vries elaborates on the 'banality of evil,' a concept suggesting that evil can arise from obedience to authority without critical questioning. This phenomenon illustrates how authorities can manipulate individuals into acting against their moral convictions, often leading to catastrophic consequences.

Kets de Vries emphasizes the importance of upbringing in preventing evil, highlighting how “good enough” parenting can empower individuals to develop empathy, compassion, and a strong moral compass. This is fundamental for developing people who are less prone to evil, promoting positive values and ethical behavior.

The work also discusses the role of upbringing and education in developing critical thinking and empathy, which is the foundation for building resilience to evil. Kets de Vries points to the need for “good enough” parenting, which includes providing love, security, and setting boundaries and ethical guidelines.

And so, when it comes to mean people, we have little sympathy for them: they may have had everything, but certainly not a “good enough” parental environment that was supportive and at least hinted at love.

Also, for evil individuals-who are also beings shaped by experience and environment-the lack of social responsibility and engagement from individuals and the community, which are crucial for preventing evil, certainly contributes. They do nothing but “fish in troubled waters,” just as any other person of low integrity would.

Kets de Vries concludes that the fight against evil is a continuous process requiring a concerted effort from individuals, society, and institutions. By promoting empathy, fairness, and interpersonal understanding, we can counter the roots of evil and confront wicked people.

Human malice can be viewed through various aspects, including psychological, sociological, philosophical, and biological lenses. There is no simple answer to why meanness can arise from many reasons.

• Psychological causes: Personal trauma, poor emotional regulation, mental disorders, or other pathological behavior can lead to malicious conduct. Some may not know how to express their frustrations or anger in a healthy way, turning to meanness or manipulation.
• Social environment: People are social beings and are often influenced by their surroundings. If someone grows up in an environment where violence or aggression is common, they may learn that such behaviors are acceptable or even desirable. They can adopt these same patterns in adulthood and even later life.
• Culture and society: Social norms, values, and expectations can also play a role. A competitive or individualistic environment can encourage aggressive or selfish behavior as a means to achieve personal success.
• Moral and ethical development: A lack of empathy or moral understanding can also lead to evil behavior. If a person cannot fully grasp the consequences of their actions on others, they are likely more prone to act to the detriment of others.
• Revenge and defense: In some cases, people may become mean as a reaction to perceived injustice or threat. This can be seen as a defense mechanism or a way to achieve justice. Rarely.

Something Like a Conclusion

And so, while I delve into human meanness, I must admit it's challenging to find a conclusion that satisfies all aspects of reflection. However, if human evilness is a reflection of deeply entrenched, often unconscious psychological and social dynamics, perhaps the real crime is not confronting our own meanness. Ultimately, we all have the potential for malice, just as we do for goodness. The irony is that, while we accuse others, we often forget that the true face of evil might be the one we see in the mirror every morning. With a finger pointed at others, all other fingers point back at us, reminding us that the fight against meanness is primarily an internal battle. Accepting this fact may not make the world perfect, but it is certainly a step towards a more honest and, paradoxically, more benevolent society. And that is why it is necessary to point out to those with low integrity precisely that: they are individuals of low integrity. Perhaps they will draw further conclusions themselves.

Something Like a Conclusion from the Perspective of the Lawyer from the Beginning of the Text

In a world where mean people seem untouchable, perhaps it's time to stop over-analyzing their motives and start calling them what they are: emotional vampires, social parasites. They are not mean because they are complex or profound; they are mean because they are opportunists who feed on the good nature and weaknesses of others. Perhaps the true conclusion is that while I (and others, for that matter) philosophize about the roots of meanness, they simply do what they do best-exploit, manipulate, and leave chaos in their wake. Instead of wrapping them in layers of analysis, perhaps it's time to call them what they are: ordinary, selfish, soulless exploiters. Because in the end, we don't need deep philosophy to recognize evil; we need wide open eyes and zero tolerance for their games.