Why is it Hard to Stick to a Decision?.

Two Steps

For some, it's very easy to stick to a decision. Someone might stick to one decision but not another. Someone else might give up on the second day. Most decisions are often made under some pressure, for example, New Year's resolutions and the like.

However, we often view sticking to a decision too simplistically. In fact, it can be said that making decisions involves two steps. The first is to say “enough” to a habit, behavior, relationship, etc. The second is to make a decision, but only after we’ve said “enough.” In principle, we have two decisions here.

So, the first step is to recognize that something needs to change, or that a decision needs to be made about a behavior, habit, or situation that no longer suits us. This can be the moment when we say “enough” or become aware that we no longer want something or that it is harming us. Once we are aware that we want a change and have said “enough,” the second step comes – making the decision. This is a conscious act in which we decide what we will do, what steps will be taken to achieve that change, or to stick to the new decision. Making a decision can include setting goals, creating an action plan, and committing to those changes.

Throughout this process, it's important to note that the first step, expressing “enough” or recognizing the need for change, can be emotionally or psychologically demanding. But making the decision and taking action afterward can also be challenging. Self-discipline, motivation, and support are needed to maintain the decision and implement the necessary changes.

Each step is important and interconnected. Expressing “enough” opens the way for making a decision, while making a decision allows for the concrete actions needed to achieve change.

Why is it Hard to Say “Enough”?

The first problem is the fear of abandonment. Some would say it’s a fear of abandoning, say, a bad relationship, but a “relationship” with a habit is also a kind of abandonment. Ultimately, it's abandoning ourselves. Our beliefs, established behavior patterns. There can also be emotional dependence here, and we may fear that if we express our dissatisfaction or set, change, or move boundaries, we will be abandoned and left alone.

Our self-confidence also plays an important role. If we count ourselves among those who can be considered to have low self-confidence and low self-esteem, we will often have difficulty setting boundaries. This stems from a fear of conflict, rejection, or facing negative reactions from others. Also, we may be convinced that we don’t deserve better than what we currently have (or don’t have) and that it will be difficult for us to find something better.

Given that humans are environmental beings and that we are accustomed to being conditioned and adapted in some way, some of us will have a need for others' approval and a desire to avoid potential conflicts. Therefore, instead of setting boundaries, it is possible that we will submit to or tolerate disrespect and bad behavior to avoid conflict or confronting the negative reactions of others that our decisions might influence. A further problem can be our feeling of inferiority compared to others and the general difficulty in advocating for our own needs.

How Does Our Brain Behave in Such Situations?

When we try to say “enough,” our brain always poses a big problem. Even before we think about saying “enough,” our limbic system will activate, including the amygdala, hypothalamus, and hippocampus, which play important roles in emotional reactions. Most “enough” moments will have some emotional undertone. Because of all this, the emotional centers of the brain can be activated, which can result in feelings such as fear, anxiety, or stress. These emotional reactions can make it difficult for us to “set boundaries” because we may feel overwhelmed or lost in our emotions. Along with the limbic system, the prefrontal cortex will also be engaged. The prefrontal cortex is the area of the brain responsible for decision-making, planning, understanding context, and impulse control. In the context of setting boundaries and saying “enough,” it can happen that the prefrontal cortex does not function optimally. This can lead to difficulties in making rational decisions, assessing risks, or setting boundaries because our brain will be more prone to reacting impulsively or emotionally instead of using understanding and planning.

Furthermore, we all function on the principle of reward, thereby developing “dependencies.” The connection to a habit, behavior, relationship... will activate the reward system in the brain. When we are emotionally connected to a routine, behavior, or person, the brain can release neurotransmitters like dopamine, which create a feeling of satisfaction and reward. This established reward system can contribute to emotional dependence on a bad habit, behavior, or relationship, making us more inclined to tolerate something we inherently want to change.

Why Can't We Stick to the Decisions We've Made?

The inability to stick to decisions can be related to insufficient or incomplete execution of the first step – expressing “enough.” If we are not sufficiently aware or clear about what exactly we want to change, or if we have not reached the point where we are emotionally and psychologically ready to say “enough,” it can be harder to stick to the decision we've made.

When we haven't properly completed the first step, it can result in a lack of internal motivation and self-discipline needed to make and maintain decisions. Also, if we aren't sufficiently aware of the dissatisfaction or negative consequences that a certain behavior or situation brings us, we may lack strong motivation for change. A lack of clarity about what exactly we want to achieve or change will result in uncertainty or insufficient resolve in making decisions.

Additionally, an insufficient expression of “enough” can result in a lack of awareness of our own habits, behavior patterns, and emotional triggers that lead us to deviate from decisions. Without a deeper awareness of these aspects, we can find ourselves in a cycle of repeating the same patterns or challenges that hinder us from sticking to our decisions.

Therefore, it is important to properly execute the first step of expressing “enough” by carefully reflecting on the situation, thinking about our needs and goals, and being aware of the negative aspects we want to change. This will provide us with stronger motivation and clarity in making decisions and help maintain those decisions over time.

Motivation is probably the most important factor in whether we give up or not. When we make a decision, we are often motivated by the immediate circumstances or situation that prompted that decision. However, over time, that motivation can wane, making us susceptible to abandoning the decision we made. A lack of long-term motivation can be the result of losing interest, a lack of visible results, or the fact that results were achieved more slowly than we expected.

Self-discipline is crucial for maintaining decisions we've made. Without sufficient self-discipline, we can easily succumb to temptations or challenges that make it difficult to stick to our decisions. A lack of self-discipline can be a consequence of poor time management skills, weak self-control, or a lack of awareness of our own behaviors and habits.

Also, just as our environment was a hindering circumstance before we said “enough,” so too will it be a hindering circumstance as we strive to maintain our goal. The environment and social pressure can have a strong influence on our behavior and decisions. If people around us are negative towards our decisions or encourage us to give up (or don't encourage us to continue), it can undermine our resolve and make it harder for us to stick to our decisions. The environment can provide temptations or incentives that lead us to abandon decisions we've made.

In addition to the above, perhaps the most important factor in sticking to decisions is our self-awareness.

Self-Awareness and Sticking to Decisions

Self-awareness is the ability to consciously and reflectively understand oneself, one's thoughts, feelings, beliefs, values, strengths, and limitations. It is the ability to be aware of one's own existence, identity, and inner world (and peace). Self-awareness includes understanding one's own thoughts, feelings, and motivations, as well as awareness of one's interactions with the environment and others.

Self-awareness can be divided into several key elements:

• Self-consciousness: The ability to be aware of our physical and emotional state, aware of our bodily sensations, feelings, needs, and desires. Self-consciousness includes a sense of our own existence and presence in the moment.
• Awareness of thoughts: The ability to be aware of our thoughts, beliefs, and internal dialogue relates to our awareness of our thoughts. This includes recognizing and understanding our thought processes, interpretations, and patterns of thinking.
• Awareness of emotions: The ability to be aware of our own emotions, recognize them, understand their nature and source, and express them appropriately. Awareness of emotions includes recognizing the wide range of emotions we experience and understanding their connection to our experiences. This, in essence, represents the biggest problem.
• Awareness of values: This is the ability to be aware of our own values, what is important to us, and what we consider right. Awareness of values helps us make decisions and act in accordance with what we consider important and morally right.
• Awareness of relationships: This is the ability to be aware of our interactions with other people, how we connect, communicate, and influence others. Awareness of relationships includes understanding our role in relationships and awareness of relationship dynamics.

Emotional Awareness

Emotional awareness is the biggest problem for all of us today. Some will suppress emotions, others will be afraid of emotions, while still others will have a deficit in the skill of regulating their own emotions.

In essence, we suppress or deny emotions as a way of coping with difficult situations or as a result of social norms that encourage emotional restraint. This will lead to a lack of awareness of our own emotions and difficulties in identifying and expressing feelings.

Fear of emotions is common for the simple reason that emotions can be intense, unpleasant, and inappropriate, and some of us will be afraid to face them. The fear of confronting difficult emotions can lead to avoiding their awareness to avoid discomfort. However, avoiding emotions also limits the possibility of self-understanding and growth.

And finally, the deficit in emotion regulation comes from not having learned to confront and regulate emotions. A lack of regulation skills can make it difficult for us to deal with difficult emotions, leading to attempts to suppress or ignore them.

How the Brain Functions When Sticking to Decisions

As we stick to decisions, our brain undergoes various processes and activations of neural networks that support our behavior and keep us on track toward achieving our goal. Throughout the entire process, the frontal cortex will be involved, responsible for high-level cognitive functions, including decision-making, planning, self-control, and executive functions. When we make a decision and stick to it, the frontal cortex activates to support our intentions, goals, and manage our behavior toward them. Also, the brain has a reward system, such as the ventral tegmental area (VTA) and the nucleus accumbens. These areas release neurotransmitters like dopamine that are associated with feelings of satisfaction and motivation. When we adhere to decisions and make progress toward a goal, this reward system activates and encourages us to continue with that behavior.

Of course, sticking to decisions often requires self-control, which is associated with the activation of the prefrontal cortex and other brain areas. These regions help us inhibit impulsive behaviors, resist temptations, and stay focused on long-term goals. Self-control can be strenuous and requires energy and mental effort.

However, even though everything is very, very, very well organized while we stick to a decision, one moment and everything will go wrong. Namely, if we falter in adhering to decisions, the following brain changes are very likely to occur. If we falter and give up on decisions, there may be an immediate release of dopamine and activation of the reward system. This happens because giving up on a decision can bring immediate relief or satisfaction, resulting in a temporary feeling of reward. Given that our “enough” was, in essence, a habit, the basal ganglia, which help us “automate our operations” or behavior, were activated. If a bad habit is renewed, these connections in our brain strengthen. And finally, if we regularly falter and do not stick to decisions, the connections in the frontal cortex that support self-control and decision-making can weaken. This can make it difficult for us to maintain long-term goals and make healthy decisions.

However, to show that it’s not all doom and gloom, it's necessary to return to brain neuroplasticity (which has already been discussed in one of the articles) and say that the brain has flexibility and can change through neuroplasticity. This means it is possible to train the brain and strengthen the connections that support healthy decision-making. Through awareness, self-control exercises, and perseverance, we can strengthen the neural connections that support adherence to decisions and the change of unwanted habits.

Borderline Personality Disorders

Additionally, sticking to decisions can be even more difficult for some. Namely, various borderline disorders, such as Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) or Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), are characterized by impaired self-awareness, but in different ways.

Individuals with borderline personality disorder often experience impaired self-awareness, especially regarding their own identity, values, and goals. They may feel empty or incomplete, feeling that they don't know who they are, what they want, or what is important to them in life. They may also face intense mood swings and feelings, which further complicates maintaining a stable self-image.

Furthermore, individuals with narcissistic personality disorder, in contrast to those with borderline personality disorder, often have an excessively positive and grandiose self-image. They have elevated self-esteem, but this can be fragile and sensitive to criticism. Despite an inflated self-awareness of their own worth, they may have a limited ability to insightfully perceive their own flaws, weaknesses, or impact on others.

No Conclusion, Just a Comment

Through this text, I wanted to emphasize the importance of recognizing and accepting the need for change before making decisions. Often, we make decisions under external pressures, such as New Year's resolutions, but it's not enough to just make a decision; it's necessary to be aware of why we want change and to be motivated to achieve it. Also, expressing “enough” or recognizing the need for change is emotionally demanding, but the very process of making decisions and taking action can also be challenging. Self-discipline, motivation, and support are needed to maintain the decision and implement the necessary changes.

Understanding oneself, one's thoughts, feelings, beliefs, and interactions with the environment is crucial for successfully adhering to decisions. Self-awareness helps us identify negative behavior patterns and habits and enables us to make conscious decisions that are in line with our values and goals.

Conclusion

Making decisions and sticking to them can be challenging due to various factors such as fear of abandonment, low self-confidence, the need for approval from others, activation of emotional brain centers, addiction to habits, and lack of motivation and self-discipline. The first step is expressing “enough” and recognizing the need for change, while the second step involves making the decision and taking actions to achieve that change. Self-awareness plays an important role in the decision-making process and adhering to them, as it helps us understand our thoughts, feelings, motivation, and interactions with the environment.