Self-Awareness.

Most things in elementary school, high school, and college are taught to us before we're truly ready for them. Our knowledge, and the depth of our cognition, prevent us from thinking about certain things 'deeper' and simply putting things into perspective.

It was the same for me; even though I'm very aware of the importance of self-awareness, it passed me by 'under the radar' until I truly needed certain insights. At this moment, my knowledge and ability to reflect have allowed me to contextualize the lack of self-awareness through two problematic kids.

What exactly is self-awareness?

If you had asked me thirty years ago what self-awareness was, I would have answered something like this: 'Self-awareness is awareness of oneself, our thoughts, feelings, and behavior. It is the ability to be and understand who we are as a person. Self-awareness involves recognizing our own desires, needs, values, and beliefs, and perhaps most importantly, how our actions and inactions affect ourselves and the people around us.'

Today, I would answer a little differently.

Self-awareness is a complex concept that refers to our ability to reflect on and be conscious of ourselves. This includes recognizing our own thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, and understanding how these internal aspects define us as individuals. Self-awareness consists of two components: internal self-awareness (awareness of one's own thoughts, feelings, motivations) and external self-awareness (awareness of how other people perceive us).

Internal self-awareness allows us to be conscious of our thoughts and feelings, and to recognize our own needs, values, and goals. This type of self-awareness enables us to better understand ourselves and make conscious decisions aligned with who we truly are.

External self-awareness refers to our ability to recognize how other people see us, perceive us, and ultimately react to us. This includes understanding our role in society, social norms, and the expectations others have of us. External self-awareness allows us to be aware of our impact on others and to adapt our behavior and communication according to the needs and expectations of those around us. Or at least those we care about.

Self-awareness is important for our emotional, mental, and social (normal) functioning. It allows us to develop self-acceptance, self-confidence, and authenticity in our interactions with others. By developing self-awareness, we can become better connected with ourselves and others, and consciously live our lives according to our own values and goals. Ultimately, self-awareness allows us to understand others.

Conditioning and Self-Awareness

As wonderful as it is that humans are social beings, it can also be, in a way, detrimental. It can be detrimental because a person is, to some extent, shaped by their experience. And it can further be detrimental because a person is susceptible to conditioning.

What is Conditioning?

Conditioning can be explained as a process in which a person's behavior and experience are shaped based on external influences and the expectations of others. This occurs through a system of rewards, punishments, guidance, and encouragement that come from our environment, such as parents, family, school, society, or culture. Or something else that currently escapes my mind.

Conditioning often occurs from an early age when children learn what is acceptable or unacceptable behavior based on the reactions of their environment. If a child receives praise and rewards when they meet others' expectations, they are more likely to repeat such behavior. On the other hand, if a child experiences punishment, criticism, or rejection when they do not meet others' expectations, they are more likely to avoid such behavior. Or they won't.

Conditioning can also come through social norms and expectations transmitted through culture and social groups. For example, certain gender, social, or professional identities may be imposed or expected of an individual, leading to pressure to conform to these norms and expectations.

Conditioning can have a profound impact on our self-awareness, as it suggests how we should be and how we should behave to be accepted (and loved). This will likely limit our authenticity and ability to recognize and follow our own desires, needs, and values. In addition, conditioning can create internal conflict and stress, as we constantly have to compare ourselves to external standards and expectations.

Therefore, it is crucial to become aware of the presence of conditioning and understand how it affects our self-awareness and behavior. Through awareness, introspection, and work on self-acceptance, we can free ourselves from the negative influences of conditioning and develop a more authentic and satisfying relationship with ourselves. This includes acknowledging our own values, understanding our own needs, and making conscious choices that are aligned with our inner self, not just with the expectations of others.

Autopilot and Learned Behavior

Self-awareness plays a key role in the entire process of creating a sense of belonging and living a life that allows us to make positive changes in the world around us. By understanding how humans and the human brain function without developed self-awareness, we gain insight into the importance of its development for our relationships and well-being.

When we lack developed self-awareness, our thoughts, feelings, and actions often operate on autopilot. This autopilot often leads us to learned behavior.

What is Learned Behavior?

Learned behavior is a concept from the field of psychology that refers to changes in behavior resulting from experience and learning. This concept stems from the perspective of behaviorism, an approach in psychology that emphasizes the importance of external factors in shaping behavior. According to behaviorism theory, learned behavior is the result of learning processes that occur through an individual's interaction with the environment. This means that people are not 'programmed' to behave in a certain way, but rather their behaviors are shaped through experience, stimuli, and consequences.

And all of this is fine as long as we combine learned behavior with self-awareness, but when self-awareness is absent for any reason, problems can arise.

First, we will have automatic and unconscious behavior, leading to repeating the same mistakes or dissatisfaction in life because we haven't paused to consider our desires, needs, and goals.

Second, our authenticity will disappear. Specifically, learned behavior can be a result of external expectations and conditioning, rather than our own internal values.

Also, such behavior without developed self-awareness and emotions will lead to a lack of deeper connections and relationships with others because we will be unable to respond correctly to the emotional signals other people send us; we simply won't recognize them.

Ultimately, this will result in a loss of flexibility and adaptability because we adhere solely and exclusively to learned behavioral patterns. If we are not aware of how our behavior affects ourselves and other people, we can miss opportunities for growth, change, and improvement in our lives.

Therefore, it is very important to develop self-awareness and emotional intelligence to free ourselves from the limitations of learned behavior. Through understanding our own thoughts, feelings, and values, we can make more conscious decisions, develop authenticity, and connect more deeply with others. Self-awareness and emotional intelligence enable us to live a more fulfilling and authentic life because we are aware of our inner needs and capable of responding to them in a way that supports us in achieving satisfaction, and perhaps ultimately, happiness.

What Happens When We Lack Self-Awareness?

We are unaware of how our behavior affects other people and do not understand their needs. A lack of empathy will distance us from others and make it difficult to create a sense of belonging. And man is made to belong (link to article, paragraph 'Belonging'), and if there is no sense of belonging, he creates additional problems for himself.

Also, a lack of self-awareness can lead us to live life according to the expectations of others or society, instead of living as we would wish. In this way, we lose what is most important to humans, which is freedom. Or at least the illusion of freedom. Without understanding our own values and beliefs, we can feel lost and unfulfilled. This prevents us from making conscious decisions that support our inner self.

Developing self-awareness allows us to become aware of our thoughts, feelings, and actions. Through introspection, we gain insight into our strengths, weaknesses, and behavioral patterns. This will give us the opportunity to work on personal growth and improvement, and become better versions of ourselves.

When we become self-aware, we can develop empathy towards others. We become capable of understanding 'others'' perspectives and feelings. This allows us to provide support and help others in a way that is truly useful and needed.

Through developing self-awareness, a sense of belonging also develops.

Through developing self-awareness, we become conscious of our thoughts, feelings, values, and beliefs. This allows us to live authentically, understand others. Self-awareness is the path to achieving what we all seek – our own life, not someone else's.

How to Develop Self-Awareness?

Through understanding self-awareness, we can become better connected with ourselves and others, and consciously live our lives according to our own values and goals. And that is the most important thing! Self-awareness allows us to understand others and create deeper connections with them. That is the second important thing. Developing self-awareness also allows us to free ourselves from the negative influences of conditioning and learned behavior, and to live a more fulfilling and authentic life, free to follow our desires and needs. And that, after all, is the meaning of life.

And so, when you encounter a 'rebellious' kid who understands no one, and likewise no one understands him, maybe he has problems with self-awareness.

• Take a personality test with the help of a psychologist.
• Teach them to, at least for a while, track and record their feelings.
• Teach them to seek feedback to better understand how others perceive them.
• Teach them to rely on their intuition, which they can validate with you.
• Teach them to recognize emotional triggers, i.e., what causes an 'up' and what causes a 'down'.

And so, let's try to understand our employees, because these two 'kids' will help another two. They will recognize their own behavior in someone else, but this time they will have a solution. A friendly solution. And that is the goal of understanding oneself, to be and have a friend.