Disappointment. Sadness. Spite..

Each of us has, at least once in our lives, been disappointed by someone. Business partners, friends, loved ones... It's certain. And it wasn't a pleasant process, much less a feeling. The background of such a mix of emotions lies in the blend of disappointment as an "emotion," sadness, and quite often, consequently, spite.

The feeling of disappointment will be greater if emotions are involved, even partially. However unpleasant it may sound to some, emotions are an investment, an emotional investment in a person, situation, or outcome. Of course, this can also include investing in a relationship that ended or a goal we couldn't achieve. Either way, disappointment mixed with emotions will be deeper and longer-lasting.

It might not sound so dangerous, but disappointment is an emotional state of dissatisfaction or frustration that occurs when our expectations or hopes are not met. However, humans are environmental and experiential beings, and both form us. Sometimes it "hardens" us, sometimes it breaks us. This "normal" human experience can be caused by various situations.

Disappointment itself can be intense and painful, but it is an important emotion as it helps us re-evaluate our expectations and make adjustments for the future. We definitely can't say we really, really needed it in our lives, but... It will often lead to feelings of sadness, anger, and spite.

Why is disappointment such a strong emotion?

Disappointment is us, disappointment is a powerful emotion because it is connected to our hopes, expectations, and aspirations. Everything that, in a way, defines us. When these things "don't happen," it's usually a "blow" to our self-esteem. Given that disappointment is us, the "problem" will mostly arise because our expectations can be deeply personal and linked to our identity, values, and goals, so when they are not met, it can feel like a personal failure or loss of control over our lives.

Control or the attempt to control life was recently written about, and given the fact that inside each of us lies a smaller or larger control freak, the combination of feelings of failure and loss of control over our lives "justifies" why disappointment is such a strong emotion.

Often, due to unfulfilled hopes, desires, and expectations, disappointment often comes with a feeling of uncertainty about the future. Uncertainty is another unpleasant feeling.

Uncertainty itself can have a significant impact on the functioning of our brain, given that our brain is structured to create predictions "about the world around us" based on "processed" information. When we face uncertainty, the brain enters a kind of cognitive dissonance, ambiguity, which can cause a range of reactions, including anxiety, fear, and probably the least frightening in the whole complex of feelings, confusion.

Uncertainty will likely activate our "little" amygdala, as the part of the brain responsible for processing emotions and responses to potential threats. This activation will trigger stress hormones, such as cortisol, which will further disrupt cognitive processes in an already "confused" brain.

In cases of disappointment, again at the wrong moment, we start questioning our ability to achieve our goals and wonder if we will ever be able to meet our expectations. And that's the problem. Moreover, disappointment often involves feelings of regret or missed opportunities. When we are disappointed, we may feel like we have wasted time, effort, or resources on something that didn't turn out as we wished. This can make disappointment even harder to bear.

Why is disappointment mixed with sadness?

Furthermore, disappointment is often mixed with sadness because disappointment involves the loss of something we value or desire. When our expectations or hopes are not met, we may feel like we have lost something important to us, whether it's a relationship, a job opportunity, or a "simple dream." This feeling of loss can be very painful and will, consequently, trigger feelings of sadness. Sadness itself, as a feeling, is a normal part of the human emotional spectrum. Sadness, depending on its intensity and the emotional stability of the person, can be accompanied by emotional symptoms such as crying, feelings of hopelessness and helplessness, loss of interest in activities, changes in sleep patterns...

Although we cannot control sadness too much, emotional stability is very important here. Emotional stability is defined as a "trait" that refers to how well a person can control negative emotions such as anxiety and sadness. A high score on the emotional stability scale will generally characterize a confident and adventurous person. People with a low score on the scale are more prone to experiencing and expressing negative emotions, and will often have low self-esteem, which can be further jeopardized in such situations.

Disappointment and the functioning of the human brain

When we experience disappointment, it activates a complex network of brain regions involved in processing emotions, making decisions, and regulating our stress responses.

One key brain region involved in disappointment is the aforementioned amygdala, which is responsible for processing emotions such as fear, anger, and sadness. When we experience disappointment, the amygdala sends a signal to the rest of the brain, alerting us to a negative emotional experience.

Another important brain region involved in disappointment is the prefrontal cortex, which is responsible for decision-making, problem-solving, and regulating our stress responses. The prefrontal cortex helps us assess the situation, adapt to our expectations, and find new solutions to problems.

In addition, the hippocampus, which is responsible for forming and "storing" memories, also plays a role in disappointment. When we experience disappointment, the hippocampus helps us "translate" this experience into a negative memory, which can later be "recalled" in all future decisions and expectations.

Why is spite often a result of disappointment?

Spite is often the "next" emotion that will follow or intertwine with disappointment. Of course, when we act spitefully, we usually don't do ourselves any favors, but in such cases, due to an "unstable" prefrontal cortex, we can say it even seems justified. Namely, if our response is driven by negative emotions such as anger or frustration, the prefrontal cortex will not be able to effectively regulate those emotions, which will lead us to act exactly as we shouldn't.

How to treat disappointment?

There is no single strategy. And it's absolutely not something that advice should be given on, as it depends on a case-by-case, person-by-person basis.

In medicine, we distinguish between preventive and therapeutic action, or palliative. If we connect this with disappointment, sadness, spite – then we definitely need to act preventively.

Conversation, feedback, aligning expectations would be a good start. Mutual understanding would be a good continuation...