Psychological Games.

We all desire to play sometimes. Play is good; it awakens the dormant child within us. However, some games are fun and beneficial, while others do not contribute to the quality of life, and even less to building relationships and empowering individuals.

Such games are psychological games, forms of manipulation and behavior that people use to control or influence others. They are typically employed in interpersonal relationships (equally in professional and private settings) with the aim of manipulating another person to satisfy one's own needs, and are often used to gain power and control over others.

Psychological games can also be a form of communication where the true objective is not an informed and constructive discussion or dialogue on the surface level, but rather on a hidden level. This mode of communication often leads to automatic repetitive interactions with our environment, often unconsciously.

To avoid psychological games, it's important to develop healthy boundaries and communicate openly and honestly.

We can also say that psychological games are a form of dysfunctional communication used primarily to satisfy needs for attention, recognition, and affection.

The Drama Triangle

The concept of the dramatic triangle was first introduced by psychiatrist Stephen B. Karpman in 1968. Karpman observed that in many interpersonal relationships, a specific dynamic emerges involving three roles: the Victim, the Persecutor, and the Rescuer. Karpman described these three roles as the three roles/points in the drama triangle.

According to Karpman, these three roles often shift within relationships, and the individuals playing these roles often don't realize they are caught in a damaging dynamic. Karpman argued that people playing the “rescuer” role often feel superior, while those playing the “persecutor” role often feel powerful. Meanwhile, individuals playing the “victim” role often feel helpless and uncomfortable.

Not necessarily, but the scenario might look like this:

The Victim is a person who feels helpless and hopeless; the Rescuer is a person who tries to help the Victim and solve their problems; while the Persecutor is a person who creates problems for the Victim. These three roles can swap and change over time, depending on the situation and the relationships between people. Sometimes the roles of Persecutor and Rescuer can be embodied in one person.

Psychological games are usually based on this drama triangle dynamic. For example, a person playing the Persecutor role might try to provoke another person into feeling like a Victim, and then present themselves as a Rescuer and offer help, which is actually a way of gaining control over that person.

Psychological Games and Brain Function

Psychological games activate certain brain regions and influence chemical processes in the brain related to reward and motivation. For example, when someone plays a psychological game in which they try to control another person, it can activate brain areas associated with motivation and reward. The person playing the game may experience increased levels of dopamine, a neurotransmitter linked to feelings of pleasure and reward.

However, this activation can be short-lived and often leads to negative consequences for both parties. For instance, the person playing the game may experience temporary satisfaction and power, but in the long term, this can result in a loss of trust, stress, and relationship problems with others.

Furthermore, prolonged engagement in psychological games often leads to changes in how the brain functions. For example, individuals who frequently engage in psychological games may have a reduced capacity for empathy and understanding others, which is associated with changes in the frontal lobes of the brain.

Racket Feelings

Psychological games are often linked to the concept of racket feelings. A racket feeling is a term introduced by Eric Berne in his theory of transactional analysis. It refers to a situation where one person manipulates another by eliciting specific feelings to get what they want.

Thus, a person might induce guilt in another to make them comply, or evoke fear to compel obedience. In psychological games, racket feelings are often used to draw another person into the game and force them to play a certain role.

Or, a person playing the victim might use a racket feeling of guilt to compel another person to treat them with special attention and care. Similarly, a person playing the “persecutor” role might use a racket feeling of fear to force another person to accept their will.

Racket feelings are often associated with psychological games because they are used as a means of manipulation and control over another person. Using racket feelings can be very damaging to a relationship and can lead to a loss of trust and respect. Therefore, it is important to recognize when racket feelings are being used and to develop healthy strategies for communication and resolving relational problems.

Opposite Feelings

Opposite feelings can be present in psychological games as part of a manipulation strategy. For example, a person might use conflicting emotions to induce guilt in another person, to make them do something they don't want to, or to impose their will upon them.

For example, a person playing the “victim” game might use conflicting emotions, such as love and guilt, to evoke a sense of responsibility in another person and make them do something they don't want to. Similarly, a person playing the “persecutor” game might use conflicting emotions, such as fear and love, to induce a feeling of helplessness in another person and make them accept their will.

Conflicting emotions can be a powerful tool in psychological games because they can cause confusion and discomfort in the other person, facilitating manipulation.

For clarity, while they may seem similar, racket feelings and opposite feelings are not the same, but they are interconnected and can be present in the same situation or relationship. Opposite feelings are two emotions that are mutually exclusive or contradictory, occurring at the same time. An example would be feeling both love and hate towards the same person.

Racket feelings refer to manipulative behavior that a person uses to achieve their goals or gain an advantage. This can include emotional blackmail, threats, or guilt.

Although these two concepts are distinct, they can appear in the same situation or relationship. For example, a person using a racket feeling of guilt may also experience conflicting emotions of love and anger towards the other person.

Four Basic Emotions

Erik Berne, the creator of transactional analysis, proposed four basic emotions:

• Joy – a feeling of satisfaction, pleasure, and happiness.
• Sadness – a feeling of sorrow, loss, and disappointment.
• Fear – a feeling of insecurity, threat, and danger.
• Anger – a feeling of rage, frustration, and aggression.

These four basic emotions can combine to produce more complex feelings and states, but all other emotions can be described and understood through these four fundamental categories. Berne believed that understanding these basic emotions was crucial for comprehending human behavior and communication.

Of course, one might encounter other authors and different approaches to defining and categorizing emotions.

The four basic emotions (fear, sadness, anger, and joy) can be linked to psychological games in various ways.

• The psychological game “Don't you know how I feel?” can be associated with sadness, as a person might try to gain attention or sympathy from another through manipulative behavior, such as crying or complaining.
• The psychological game “I'm a victim” is associated with anger, as a person might try to gain power or control over others through manipulation and emphasizing their victimhood.
• The psychological game “Cold Shoulder” is associated with fear, as a person might try to avoid intimacy or closeness to avoid potential vulnerability.
• The psychological game “I know better” is associated with joy, as a person might try to achieve a sense of superiority or competence through manipulation and control of another person.

Additionally, psychological games can be linked to other basic emotions, depending on the context and motivations of the person using them. It is important to recognize and understand these feelings to better cope with them and improve relationships with others.

Characteristics of Psychological Games

It is important to recognize these dynamics and roles in relationships to avoid psychological games and foster healthy interactions among people. Developing awareness of psychological games and the drama triangle can help us be more open, honest, and empathetic towards others, and resist manipulative behaviors.

Karpman also suggested that this dynamic can be reversed if individuals playing these roles become aware of their part in the drama triangle and choose to change their behavior. Karpman proposed an alternative model called the “empathy triangle,” which emphasizes the importance of empathy and understanding in interpersonal relationships.

They repeat. Since we are unaware that we are playing games, we will do nothing to stop playing them, which leads to them simply repeating.

Psychological games are unconscious. At an unconscious level, we repeat and seek behavior patterns that are familiar to us. For example, behavioral patterns or values that our mother and father, grandmother, grandfather, etc., 'instilled' in us. Very likely, someone once, for example, instilled in us a desire to please others, and every time we see someone in difficulty, we start solving that person's problem.

At the end of every game, racket feelings emerge. Racket feelings are not authentic and are therefore inappropriate for the situation.

Games involve the exchange of hidden messages. Communication always occurs on social and psychological levels. On the social level, we seek help from a specific person, and we all believe that is the goal of communication. However, on the psychological level, we exchange “hidden messages” that convey our unconscious intentions. Namely, the person sought help they will not accept, and we try to provide help that will not be accepted.

In every game, there is a moment of confusion or surprise. We are confused that someone is not accepting our help, while the other side is surprised that we don't know exactly what we need and what needs to be done to help and ease the overall situation (for the other side).

Reasons for Psychological Games

According to Berne, there are three primary reasons.

• Need for attention stemming from feelings of loneliness, low self-esteem, or the need for external validation.
• Need for love and acceptance, where this need can arise from fear of rejection, feelings of inferiority, or lack of self-esteem.
• Need for control, which arises from fear of losing control, lack of self-confidence, or feelings of powerlessness.

Examples of Games

• I can't believe you did that!

This involves an exaggerated reaction to someone's behavior, often with the aim of attracting attention or eliciting emotions from the other person. For example, someone might overreact to a minor mistake at work or in a relationship to feel important or to make sure the other person feels bad.

• Perfect Me

This game involves presenting oneself in an idealized light, without mentioning flaws or shortcomings. The goal of this game is to impress others and gain their approval.

• Woe Is Me

This game involves highlighting one's own problems and difficulties to gain attention or empathy from others. The goal of this game is to make other people feel responsible for solving problems and helping to resolve them.

• King and Queen

This game is often present in unhealthy romantic relationships, and can also occur in other types of relationships, such as friendships or professional relationships. In this game, one person is placed in the position of king, and the other in the position of queen. The king expects things to unfold according to his wishes and needs, while the queen represents the person who will do everything to please him. This dynamic can be very detrimental and leads to an imbalance in the relationship, where one person has all the power and control, while the other person loses their individuality and yields to the desires of the other person.

• Who Needs Help?

This game involves manipulating feelings of guilt and positioning the other person to feel as if they must help. An example would be when someone says, “Nobody loves me and nobody helps me,” thereby creating a feeling of guilt in the other person, who feels compelled to help, even if it's not in their best interest.

• Constant Observer

This game involves someone who constantly observes others without engaging in interaction with them. This person may feel isolated and alone, but it is actually their choice as they refuse to engage with others. This game can be associated with anxiety and social phobia.

Instead of a Conclusion

Psychological games are deeply rooted in our emotional processes and can lead to many problems in relationships and life in general. Understanding these games and their causes can help us recognize and stop them. Furthermore, when dealing with others, it's important to understand that psychological games are not always conscious and intentional, and that they often stem from past experiences and emotional reasons.

Psychological games are complex mechanisms based on our emotions, motivations, and communication styles. Therefore, it is important to work on our emotional intelligence, developing healthier patterns of communication and interpersonal relationships, to prevent falling into the traps of psychological games.