Expectations vs. Disappointments.

There isn't a single person on this earth who hasn't expected something in life. Expectations are inherent in human nature, deeply ingrained in our psychology and behavior. And no matter how many times we tell ourselves that we "won't expect anything anymore," it happens again. But as a consequence of expectations, we also find ourselves disappointed.

The Background of Expectations

Even our distant ancestors "used" expectations, primarily to predict potential dangers and opportunities. All of this generally increased their chances of survival. From a behavioral standpoint, our brain uses past experiences, including those related to expectations, because learning from experience allows us to adapt to our environment and, consequently, probably make better decisions.

We can look for both psychological and cognitive reasons behind expectations. We all have a need for control and predictability in our lives. Expectations allow us to feel like we have control over the future and reduce feelings of uncertainty. And, of course, this is where "problems" can arise, though not always.

Also, our calculating brain, through expectations, reduces its mental effort. When we have expectations, we don't have to re-analyze every aspect of a situation each time; instead, we use previously learned patterns to make decisions.

Finally, we can also consider the social context, because humans are not only creatures of experience but also social beings, and thus expectations play an important role in interpersonal relationships. Expectations about other people's behavior and how they will react to us help shape our social interactions and relationships.

To make everything about expectations even more complex, expectations can be a strong motivator. Let's be honest, our expectation of a "reward" (whatever it may be) can motivate us to put in (additional) effort into a "task."

Also, our expectations are often shaped by social norms and values, leading to expectations about success, behavior, and social roles.

And all of this, naturally and absolutely, influences us to form our expectations. And since everyone mentions education, of course, through education, and from early childhood, we learn what we can expect in different situations, how to behave, and how to react to the expectations of others.

And now, ultimately, it seems that everything is set up so that disappointment follows (unmet) expectations.

It's as if the world is designed for this to happen, more or less, always. :)

What Exactly is an Expectation? And What is Disappointment?

Expectation and disappointment are two related but distinct psychological concepts that significantly impact our emotional state and behavior. Expectations are beliefs or predictions about future events, situations, or behaviors. They can be conscious or unconscious.

Disappointment arises when expectations, logically, are not met. It is a negative emotional reaction that can manifest as sadness, frustration, anger, or a feeling of helplessness. If we ask ourselves why we feel so bad after being disappointed, the answer is simple. Behind it are unpleasant emotions: sadness, frustration, anger, and a very, very, very uncomfortable feeling – that of helplessness.

It Can't Get Any Worse...

Behind disappointment, there are several psychological aspects. Since disappointment often stems from a discrepancy between what we expected and what we received or what actually happened, it's logical that cognitive dissonance will appear.

At which point we will try to emotionally regulate ourselves, using different strategies. Some more, some less successfully.

The wiser ones will try to learn something from everything and adjust their expectations in the future, thereby helping themselves avoid negative emotions.

Why did I start with cognitive dissonance?

Cognitive dissonance plays a crucial role in the discomfort and disappointment that arise when expectations are not met. It is a state of mental unease that occurs when there is a discrepancy in (our) beliefs, value system, or behavior. When an expectation (cognition) is not in line with reality (another cognition), dissonance occurs.

The next "problem" with cognitive dissonance, or rather, with us, is that it arises from our need for consistency in our beliefs and behaviors. For both ourselves and others. When there is a mismatch, psychological tension arises because the discrepancy threatens our sense of stability and, ultimately, self-esteem.

Cognitive dissonance will cause discomfort due to the aforementioned discrepancy, but problems arise in the area of emotional regulation, when some of us will find it difficult to manage our emotions, which will contribute to a more intense feeling of disappointment. This will then result in a change in our behavior, usually in a negative direction from how it should be. In other words, in some way, we will try to behave the same way as the person who disappointed us.

Are There Elements of a Self-Fulfilling Prophecy Here?

Of course, I could have continued the article by evaluating expectations, by trying to reduce dissonance by changing expectations or changing behavior.

But why, when that won't happen anyway, and of course we'll go in a different direction. :)

And of course, we will go in the direction of a self-fulfilling prophecy. A self-fulfilling prophecy is a phenomenon where our expectations about an event or situation influence our behavior in a way that leads to the realization of those expectations. In other words, if we expect something bad to happen, our behavior can subconsciously contribute to it actually happening.

In the context of expectations and disappointments, we will often, to save ourselves, expect disappointment again. Yes, sometimes we probably even admire ourselves. :) So, if we constantly expect disappointment, we might behave in a way that actually increases the likelihood of being disappointed.

And what happens then?

In fact, it's all logical. If we expect someone to let us down, we will probably behave reservedly or distrustfully, which gives a good and realistic chance that this person will, in some way, withdraw and ultimately let us down (again).

And Therefore...

Parallel to our expectations, disappointments also creep in, and all of this can be further complicated by our behavior through a self-fulfilling prophecy.

And that's why it might be good, without too much advice, to well understand how we ourselves sometimes react.