(Un)delayed gratification: A new predictor of (un)success?.

If I were to exaggerate a little, this is kind of how it would all look.

You open Facebook, everyone is happy. You open Instagram, everyone is beautiful. You open LinkedIn, everyone is successful. You open TikTok, everyone is skillful, cooks well, and is a DIY success.

And the logical question is, where do I fit in? And so begins the comparison, external validation, and all the possible psychological concepts that only make our lives more complicated.

Here are just a few that come to mind in this pre-holiday atmosphere (and about that atmosphere, one could write with a knot in their stomach):

• Social comparison: We usually tend to compare ourselves with others to assess our own success and value.
• External validation: We often build our sense of worth and self-esteem based on confirmation and approval from others. Social media often serves as a way to gain this kind of external validation.
• Information filtering: Everyone, absolutely everyone, is prone to presenting only the best parts of their lives, hiding negative aspects, which will inevitably create unrealistic expectations and pressure on others to achieve the same level of perfection.
• FOMO or Fear of Missing Out: Social media often fosters the feeling that everyone else is living a more exciting or fulfilling life than ourselves, which can cause this so-called fear of missing out (FOMO) and dissatisfaction with one's own life. The best part of the whole story is that fears are learned, we are not born with fears, and this is a fantastic example of how we will effectively learn them.
• Idealization: We are all idealized versions of ourselves on social media.
• Self-efficacy or the belief in how capable we are of completing a given task.

And now, when we look over all of this again, we realize how much stress it creates for everyone, keeping in mind that I am, to some extent (but only to some extent), a more "formed person" than someone in their 20s or 30s.

And that's where the problems arise

Some of them can manifest in the form of unrealistic expectations, stress and anxiety, reduced self-confidence, dependence on external validation, loss of focus and productivity, and perhaps even self-destructive behavior. Yet, the desire to catch up, obtain, grasp, and possess all of it will remain.

And why? Because the human brain needs everything to be logically ordered, and for everything to be logically ordered and understandable, it must be the same (as for everyone else). If it's not the same, we ask why. And that's why we rush, and when we rush, decisions will definitely not be made in an informed way.

The desire for progress, which is completely legitimate and desirable, can also be described through evolutionary psychology, because ultimately, the desire for progress can be interpreted as a result of evolutionary pressure to improve survival and reproductive capabilities. And ultimately, even today, we just want to survive.

Delayed Gratification

And so, if you wonder why someone wants to job hop for the umpteenth time, buy a 100m2 apartment even though they realistically need a 60m2 one, if they want to become a senior but are barely a mid-level, if you wonder where the desire for knowledge has gone instead of the desire for instant success, and so on, consider how that person's delayed gratification "copes" with all the external influences and conditioning.

Delayed gratification is a concept deeply rooted in the human psyche, representing the ability to postpone immediate rewards for the sake of achieving greater long-term benefits or goals. This crucial aspect of behavior plays an important role in the development of emotional intelligence, self-discipline, and long-term success and satisfaction in life. The concept of delayed gratification gained significant attention through the research of psychologist Walter Mischel, whose experiments with children laid the foundation for understanding this cognitive ability and its impact on an individual's life path.

Walter Mischel, an American psychologist, conducted the famous "Marshmallow Test" experiment during the 1960s. In this study, children were challenged to delay instant gratification (in the form of eating one marshmallow) in order to later receive more marshmallows. The results showed that children who successfully delayed gratification demonstrated better emotional regulation, social skills, and achievements in later life.

Mischel's research highlighted a key link between the ability to delay instant gratification and later life success. He emphasized that this ability is not solely determined by genetic factors, but can be developed through certain cognitive strategies and social skills. His research stimulated the scientific community's interest in understanding the mechanisms behind delayed gratification and its impact on broader aspects of human life.

Intelligence as a predictor of success?

And yes, we can agree that human intelligence is (only) one of the predictors of success. Perhaps it is the main predictor of success, but the world is changing, and people are changing too. Ultimately, the ways of conditioning are also changing. Once, parents and close circles could do this; today, everyone can condition us.

If you add to all of this something called the scale of psychological entitlement, the situation can become even more interesting. The scale of psychological entitlement measures a person's belief that they deserve privileged treatment regardless of other, extrinsic factors.

Today, we can accurately psychometrically "measure" both delayed gratification and the scale of psychological entitlement, and if someone claims, "yes, people leave, and that's just how it is," the answer is: no, people don't necessarily have to leave. And that's just how it is.