Here's Why We'll Never Be Happy.

In today's society, we often encounter conditioning that pushes us to seek instant gratification and quick success. For younger generations, conditioning was a way to "achieve" something in life. "Eat your broccoli, and you can play games" is a common phrase. Until recently, my theory was that conditioning made this world a better place to live. Today, looking back at all the hustling-even just on LinkedIn-I'm no longer sure about the validity of that theory. Conditioning, in part, shapes our behavior and preferences in ways that distance us from long-term happiness. Why is this the case?

Societal Conditioning

Society often conditions us to strive for superficial and immediate rewards. And it's best that we accept this: we'll light a cigarette after a job well done, pour ourselves a glass of wine at the end of the workday, or gossip about colleagues during breaks.

This pressure to achieve quick success and satisfaction often results in an addiction to activities that provide rapid dopamine boosts, such as using social media, playing video games, or online shopping. This cheap reward can create a temporary feeling of satisfaction, but in the long run… emptiness? Dissatisfaction? An inability to see the forest for the trees?

Cheap Rewards and Dopamine Addiction

Dopamine addiction occurs when our brain becomes accustomed to frequent, small rewards that stimulate dopamine release. These small rewards can include social media, video games, and even notifications on our smartphones, without which, realistically, we won't even go to the bathroom anymore. All under the guise of relaxation and forgetting. Of course, like any drug/stimulant, addiction develops. And larger doses are needed. To achieve the same feeling of satisfaction, we need increasingly larger and more frequent stimulations, which can lead to a (constant) feeling of dissatisfaction and the need for even more dopamine shots.

Fun Fact About Dopamine

Dopamine is released, often in large quantities, the first time we experience something pleasant or rewarding. At that moment, it "locks in" that feeling for memory. In memory, but also in the reward center. When does it get tricky? When it becomes the (exclusive) motivation pushing us toward a goal. The problem is that the release doesn't happen "at the end of the road," but along the way. In fact, we arrive at the end "dry." Quite inconvenient. That's why we often remain somewhat indifferent the moment after we get what we wanted. Of course, we need more. Psychologist Dr. Tal Ben-Shahar called this the "arrival fallacy." Happiness should be at the end of the road, but it's just not there. And then… it was all for nothing.

Anger and Related Emotions

Of course, why stick to one stimulation when we all love to combine, and why not add another neurotransmitter, adrenaline? And so we choose anger. Anger is a wonderful emotion that can generate high levels of adrenaline. When we are angry, the body releases adrenaline, causing physiological changes such as an accelerated heart rate, elevated blood pressure, and increased energy. These physiological changes can create a feeling of excitement and power, and power is a wonderful feeling. In addition to anger, related emotions such as disappointment, frustration, and hurt are also within our reach, because, of course, it's not hard to be disappointed today. In fact, it has never been easier. So, disappointment, frustration, and hurt (which, in an era of psychological privilege, is really not difficult at all) will quite readily lead to the release of adrenaline.

Mark Schulz's Definition of Happiness

I read in a post that Mark Schulz is coming to our small country, full of omnipotent people (which, incidentally, is a characteristic of small nations). And look at that, he defines happiness through the prism of relationships. According to Schulz, the most important condition for a fulfilling and meaningful life is the strength of our relationships. Of course, with people. His longitudinal study shows that strong, positive relationships are significantly linked to better physical and mental health. But, there's always a "but." Because, we are always important to ourselves, of course-to the point where relationships burden us. After all, it's hard to hear that someone has a problem or is less successful when everyone around us is highly successful. So, in contemporary society, relationships are often reduced to superficial interactions that provide nothing but burden, and we can only dream of true emotional support and connection. It's a shame no one remembers to write about this to Santa Claus.

And That's Why Most of Us Can't Be Happy

And since we can't be happy ourselves, along the way, we like to make others at least less happy.

Overall, the combination of societal conditioning, dopamine and adrenaline addiction, and superficial relationships leads to a state where many people don't even strive for true happiness. Because… who needs it?!

In our defense, perhaps we can say that sometimes we unconsciously choose paths that provide instant but fleeting pleasures, which can long-term result in feelings of emptiness and dissatisfaction. But, since it's instant, we repeat the model. And so… until when?

After all, has anyone among us tried to "define" what happiness means to them?

Attempts to impose one's "happiness" on others is another topic.

References

• Psychology Today – The Modern Quest for Instant Gratification
• ResearchGate – Impact of Instant Gratification on Well-being
• PubMed – Dopamine and Reward
• National Institutes of Health – Dopaminergic Mechanisms
• Harvard Health Publishing – The Role of Adrenaline in Stress
• American Psychological Association – Stress and its Effects on the Body
• Harvard Study of Adult Development
• Goodreads – “The Good Life” by Robert Waldinger and Marc Schulz
• Journal of Social and Personal Relationships – The Impact of Social Media on Relationships
• The Guardian – Social Media and Loneliness