Are you happy?.

It's the pre-holiday season, and naturally, everyone and everything around us wants to convey the spirit of the holidays. For some reason known only to me, an advertisement from Hrvatski Telekom caught my attention.

In fact, it was moderately sweet, not even too annoying, depicting the almost classic 'growing up process' of every teenager, and however problematic it seemed at times, it was actually endearing. Our parents' curiosity was sweet, and their desire to rush us through everything just as they wanted was sweet too. And perhaps that wasn't their true intention, yet they did it that way because their own parents had done it to them.

And some things are simply passed down from generation to generation. Like our parents' love for us. Perhaps it was all a bit clumsy at times, but just as we sometimes struggled with our own growing up, so did they.

Today, and even before, professional articles often discuss whether parents should kiss their child, and if so, how and in what way it's proper. It’s simply how life is; someone always meddles where they shouldn't, and then simplicity becomes complicated.

All those who have Sunday lunch at their parents' house leave with a container of food. Just in case. Sometimes there's more, sometimes less. Goodbyes typically involve a hug, maybe a kiss, but rarely does anyone say, 'I love you.' And somehow, we've probably gotten used to expressing love through food. Then overnight, something changes, something less pleasant happens, and we never said 'I love you.' And it becomes too late. Often, we find it's too late for something we wanted or wished for. We can get everything back except time. Today, we generally have enough of everything, but we can't seem to manage time.

And we can preach about work-life balance and invent new terms every day, but there's never enough time for what truly matters. It's simple: it's about priorities.

As time passes for me, I realize that everything in life is a priority. Without priorities, there is nothing. And intrinsic motivation, desire... ultimately, everything comes down to priorities.

Life changes us, and we try to change our lives. And it's not easy. And then, at the end of the day, we wonder how 'elbow greetings' led to us not remembering when we last hugged someone. At the end of the day, we ask ourselves why we spent half an hour or an hour WhatsApping someone, but didn't actually hear, see, or hug them…

And then, at some point, when it's too late again, we realize someone has disappeared along the way, that we've lost or misplaced someone, and we never hugged them.

Because, priorities, because conditioning.

Forgetting

Unfortunately, humans are designed to forget. We forget both good and bad things, events, people…

Without delving into a deeper psychoanalysis of why this happens, I'll just say that forgetting is a natural process that helps us filter and organize the vast amount of information 'around us,' making space for new inputs.

It's important to note that forgetting isn't always negative. It allows us to adapt to new situations, learn from experiences, and avoid the emotional burden of the past. It is crucial for adaptation and survival, enabling us to focus on the present moment and the future without unnecessary baggage from the past.

Still, some things we (gladly) remember. We gladly recall our childhood. And it’s simple why that is. In childhood, we had and felt a strong emotional connection with the people around us. Emotions generally play a crucial role in forming long-term memories. Events accompanied by strong emotions, whether positive or negative, are more likely to be deeply etched in our memory.

Personally, I will never forget going to the seaside. A warm summer night slowly ending and transitioning into morning. The red sun gently rising above the ironworks. The distant hum of the same ironworks making the silence somehow loud. By the time our parents woke us up, a car was already parked in front of the building, a travel trailer attached to it, and everything was ready to go. My sister and I were 'tucked into' the back seats. Between them and the front seats, beach chairs were stuffed, forming a bed. With our pillows, teddy bears… And as we left the city lights, the cabin was illuminated by the headlights from the trailer. And my sister and I, with wide-open eyes, watched the villages of Benije waking up in the haze.

Yes, in childhood, we were full of new and significant experiences. Childhood is a period when many things happen for the first time, creating unique and unforgettable moments. But what definitely marked it were intense feelings.

Of course, there's also a reason for this memory in our psychological and neurological development, because during that period, our brain undergoes intense development, including the formation of synaptic connections, and these processes can enhance the memory of certain events and situations.

Sensory experiences like smells, tastes, sounds, and visual events also play a significant role in memory.

Today

We all wanted to grow up. As soon as possible. As fast as possible. We wanted to be independent like our parents. And in this story of growing up, it's interesting how we managed to go from childlike joy and curiosity on our path to seriousness, reaching (even) anxiety.

We eat without remembering the taste. We commute to work without remembering what we saw or whom we met. We socialize (or not), and we don't remember what we talked about.

According to Paul Ekman, an American psychologist, we distinguish basic emotions: happiness, sadness, fear, surprise, disgust, and the queen of all emotions, anger.

When we 'play back' our lives, it will be interesting to become aware of which emotion dominated.

Step by step, day by day, our curiosity, happiness, and courage to try something new, to learn something, slowly disappeared. And today, for many people, we'll say they aren't very open to new experiences. The adventures of yesteryear and carefree journeys into the unknown have been replaced by life adventures and anxious journeys into the unknown.

Play vanished. We became 'grown-ups,' and life became serious.

Step by step, day by day, everything was measured by grades, diplomas, then KPIs, salary, bigger or smaller televisions, bigger or smaller cars…

Through media and social networks, we follow successful human stories, and we begin to struggle with ourselves, trying to prioritize things, events, people, and even emotions.

We try to live some (unfulfilled) dream. This dream, like 'ordinary' people who are 'slaves' of their experience and environment, is influenced by social culture, media, globalization, digitalization… the list goes on.

The ad features a song that goes something like this:

Oh, Christmas, oh, Christmas, I really love my relatives, Uncle strangles me at the door, How much longer until my defense? Auntie says: you're a catch, Let's get you married, Mom wants a grandchild, And I buy her slippers.

Conditioning

Conditioning was first described by Ivan Pavlov, and from it, we got the Pavlovian effect. In essence, it's a psychological concept referring to the process of learning or behavior adaptation. Conditioning becomes evident through our struggle with priorities, social norms, and expectations. Growing up often brings the pressure to meet standards of success, often defined by external factors like career, financial stability, or social status. Instead of living in the moment, we start making grand plans and focusing on major planning and goal achievement. And that's fine, but some balance is essential, otherwise, we lose spontaneity, and with spontaneity, the joy and freedom we once had and experienced disappear.

Is that why we fondly remember childhood?

Social influences, media, and external standards often shape our expectations and priorities. Being conditioned to align with these norms will result in a loss of authenticity and genuine joy.

Relying on the way we communicate points to the paradox of modern society where, despite technological means that facilitate communication, true connection, emotional expression, and spontaneity are lost.

Therefore, conditioning is okay; it simply has to exist, and to some extent, it makes the world a better place to live. However, recognizing conditioning and consciously choosing our own priorities will bring spontaneity back into our lives and allow for genuine emotional expression.

Are you happy?

And so the ad ends with the grandmother's question: 'Are you happy?' Conditioning is the thread that connects many aspects of adult life, from priorities to expressing love.

Structured life has killed the child within us, and it's time to return to our younger selves. It's time to relax, stop doubting ourselves, and accept ourselves for who we are. Let's go back to ourselves and rediscover authenticity and joy like a child.

And so, let this period be an opportunity for us to correct everything that might be too late tomorrow. So, when we return from somewhere with a container of potato salad and a piece of meat, that's okay, but only if we said, 'I love you,' before receiving it.

It's also okay to 'buy slippers'!